What If
by StarshotFourteen
Summary: A series of oneshots about OC's in the world of Divergent. Requested by fans of a page I admin for on fb; they supply their characters and a small prompt like "Start of the war" or "gun practice", I write the fic! Please take time to tell me what you think :) It'd be much appreciated.
1. Love is blind

I'd had my eye on him ever since initiation. He was the most interesting guy I'd ever met, and something about the harsh way he talked to us during training made me even more interested. Of course I should have known better than to fall in love with my instructor, but sometimes you just can't help yourself. When I saw him interact with the small Stiff girl I'd later get to know as Tris, I thought nothing of it. I actually enjoyed it when he threw those knives at her, and when shefull-on punched him in the face - it made me feel better about my own impossible dream to be with him. If he didn't like her, he might like me. All through initiation I stared at him from across the room, constantly torn between my desire to excel at everything so he'd admire me, or the need to seem weak to get his help. Eventually I chose both, ending up somewhere in the middle of the final rankings. When I saw him kissing Tris it felt as if my heart had shattered into a thousand pieces. How was this possible? What did she have that I didn't? My best friend Marlene and I spent the rest of the evening getting drunk, unable to stand the company of the 'other couple' Will and Christina, and not wanting Uriah to see our heartbreak over an instructor. Fine, we'd both accepted the fact we could never have him, he was older, high-ranked, intimidating.. We knew that. Could live with that, even. But when he chose Tris, it was worse than if he'd never even known we existed. He chose one of us – it could have been any of the girls in our initiation group, and he chose the girl everybody saw as inferior and weak! It enraged us, and for weeks after that we glared at her together. That is, until Marlene fell in love with Uriah and I was left alone with my pain and my hate. I was surrounded by couples now, happy, kissing, laughing couples and it made me sick with jealousy. Of course Four wasn't the only attractive guy in the Dauntless compound, but somehow he was the only one I really wanted. I tried to distract myself for a while, hanging out with Zeke seeing as we were the only singles in our group of friends, but it just didn't work. I kept pining for him, the one I'd never have. When he finally broke up with Tris, my heart skipped a beat at the realization he might be in my reach now. Unfortunately I had avoided contact with the both of them, so I had no way of knowing if he remembered me, and couldn't possibly ask Tris for advice to win his heart. Eventually Zeke was the one that set us up on a "blind date" – which in Dauntless terms meant you met up in an empty apartment with all the lights out, so you could talk to each other without judging what you saw. That has something to do with bravery I suppose, and had he told me who I was meeting there I probably never would've gone. But I did, and we talked, and when the lights finally were turned on and I looked into his eyes, we both knew we wanted to be together.


	2. Truly Dauntless

With a frustrated sigh I put down the gun. I had failed to hit the target AGAIN. I was probably the only member in the entire Dauntless compound unable to aim properly and it drove me crazy. Three months after I'd passed initiation and I still couldn't do it? It was so unfair. I practiced every single day until my arm muscles ached – which was saying a lot, because I had grown quite strong since I first came here – and still no result. I had even gone so far as to visit Caleb in the Erudite building to read all their books about shooting, but that too was to no avail. As I put the gun back in its proper place I could feel tears prickling behind my eyes. No. I was not going to cry over this again. I already felt weaker than the other Dauntless because I couldn't do this, I would not strengthen that feeling by crying like a disappointed child. Actually, that was all I was, but I refused to accept my defeat. I made my way to lunch without making eye contact with anyone and slumped down in my chair at our group's usual table. "Hey Jessur!" came Uriah's always cheery voice as he slid something to me over the table. Usually I loved Uriah and his happy attitude but today it was just too much. "Hey," I muttered and stared at the muffin he'd placed in front of me. As if I could eat right now. "What's with you today Jess?" Ah Tris, still that tiny bit of Abnegation showing in her. She was Dauntless through and through, don't get me wrong, but somehow she always cared just a little bit more. "Nothing," I grumbled, and put my head in my hands. "Just that stupid gun still refuses to do what I want." They all knew I had had trouble with this from the start, after all, we'd been in the same initiation group, but none of them had been able to help me. Just at that moment Tris' ex Four joined our table. They'd broken up about a month after initiation, and while they refused to speak to each other at first, they were quite good friends now. "Hey look it's Fouuur!" Tris and Uriah sang in unison. He greeted them back and then looked at me inquisitively. "What, no three musketeers today?" he asked, eyebrows raised. We kind of made a point to always sing him hello because we knew it annoyed him, and to this day we'd almost never failed. I shot a quick glance at him, then looked away again. Four was our friend, but I still felt a bit intimidated by him. He was a Dauntless prodigy after all, and somehow that made me feel even weaker on days like this. "It's the guns again," Uriah said, earning him an elbow in the side from Tris. She knew I didn't like to talk about my 'great failure' around Four, something Uriah completely ignored, insensitive as he was. Meanwhile, Four was still looking at me. "No improvement then?" he asked in what was actually quite a sweet way for him. "No," I mumbled while staring at the table. "Nothing helps." He sat there thinking for a minute, and then, as if he was commenting on the food, he said: "Maybe I can help you out." My heart dropped, and I was suddenly glad he wasn't very sensitive or he might have noticed how this offer affected me. "Yeah.. whatever," I managed to say after a while. "Not like it's gonna do any good anyway." He smiled, a rare thing for him to do, and said "We'll just see about that."

That afternoon I hit the target for the first time, and three weeks later I hit my first bull's eye. Coincidentally, that was also the first time I kissed Four. Now, even though I still can't hit anyone during paintball, I feel truly Dauntless. It doesn't even have that much to do with guns.


	3. Worth it

"Come on! Is that the best you've got?" sounded the harsh voice of our instructor Eric. This was directed at either me or my friend Marlene, who was trying to beat me to pulp right now. Initiation wasn't like anything I'd ever known before, pushing us to the end of our limits, trying to see how fast we'd break. Pitting us against each other in these fights didn't seem very useful to me, but then again, it's much harder to fight a friend than it is to hit an enemy. Maybe it did require some courage after all. At this moment however I couldn't see it. Marlene and I had been friends ever since she had helped me into the train on Choosing Day, and I didn't very much like the idea of hurting her. She seemed to have less qualms about this, judging by my bloody nose and the scratches on my arms, but maybe that had something to do with her being Dauntless-born. I spit out some blood on the ground and circled her once again, trying to get in a good punch that would knock her out. We both knew I most likely wouldn't succeed at this, but I had to try or I would lose some serious points in the rankings. Yesterday I'd seen her get beat up by Uriah, our other friend, but she hadn't seemed to mind much. Probably because he was a boy, and an attractive boy at that. I'll have to admit, I wouldn't be opposed to the idea of being in the ring with that Tobias boy.. but no, I had to focus now, not on his irresistible mysterious aura, but on knocking out my best friend. I aimed a kick at her knee, hoping for her to buckle, but she lightly sprang away. Marlene had probably been doing this for years already, and I didn't really have any hope of beating her, but I didn't want to give up. Tobias had won all his fights so far, even one against Eric who had tried to show us that no one was able to beat a Dauntless member yet. That had probably hurt his ego a bit, because he'd been even harder on us since then, but I admired Tobias for not showing any hint of pain during his fights If I ever wanted him to notice me I thought I should be like that too. I dodged a punch to the jaw from Marlene and shot a quick glance at him, standing with our fellow initiates, arms crossed, his face an emotionless mask. For Tobias, I thought to myself. I have to win for Tobias. With new inspiration I ducked low and went for Marlene's feet. If only I could get her on the ground, this should be much easier. "Come on Sarah, kill her dead!" came the voice of Uriah, cheering me on. He switched sides every second, always supporting the one most likely to lose at that time. If he was calling my name now, that meant I was still not on the right track. Marlene was on the floor now, but had dragged me down with her and I was desperately trying to get in some punches to her face. As a final act of despair I gathered a fistful of her hair and pressed her face against the ground. She moaned in frustration, trying to pull herself loose from my grasp, but it didn't work. Now I had her right where I wanted her. With a slight feeling of regret I started pounding on the back of her head, hoping for her to pass out soon. (Please please please let this work, please don't let me hurt her for nothing, please let her go out soon..)  
Her squirming weakened, and after what seemed like an impossible eternity of my fist hitting her - my hand, hurting her - my best friend went limp underneath me as she passed out. I let go of her hair and turned her on her back, for the first time clearly seeing what I'd done to her face. That did not look good..  
"I'm sorry Marlene," I whispered to her, before standing up and throwing my hands in the air with victory. The others cheered, Uriah loudest of all, but Tobias merely stood in his corner, observing me. After Marlene had been taken to the infirmary Uriah entered the ring with another transfer named Tris, and I ended up standing next to him. I occasionally looked sideways, just to find him in the same position he must have been in for about an hour or so. The Stiff girl didn't last very long against Uriah, but it seemed like I had been standing by his side forever, almost scared to move. Right before she hit the ground, he spoke. "Well done," he said in a quiet voice, and I turned just in time to see the almost undetectable smile on his face. As I smiled back, I couldn't repress the thought that somehow, this had all been worth it.


	4. Viper

With a soft thud the knife embedded itself in the wood, inches from where my hand had been. "Snake! Be careful where you put that next time!" I shrieked, giving him a punch in the arm. He grinned innocently, not even acknowledging the fact that I'd just slammed my fist into him. "But it was exactly where I wanted it!" he said innocently. I took the knife out of the table and put it away. No more damage would be done with this one, even though he probably had a couple more on him. Still smirking he sat down next to me, waiting for the table to fill up with our friends. I could already see him fingering his next knife, the one he kept under his jacket, but maybe my punch had hurt a little for he did not take it out as he usually would have. I craned my neck to get a good look around – our friends were a bit later than usual today, but I had no doubt they'd show up. Soon enough Uriah arrived, carrying his ridiculous muffin-filled lunch tray. "You really should eat less of those things y'know," I commented as I took one from him. "But they're so good! I don't want to stop," he pouted. "You, my friend, have an addiction," said Marlene as she and Lynn joined us. "Do not!" he said, only to be interrupted by his brother Zeke slamming his tray down on the table. Zeke's girlfriend Lauren sat down too and grinned. "Oh come on Uri, we all know you've never been able to resist them," she said teasingly. It was true – ever since we were kids Uri had been eating them almost non-stop, to the point where it was strange to see him go anywhere without one. No one really knew what that was about, but we accepted it - at least none of us ever grew hungry around him. I'd loved growing up in Dauntless, always running around and trying new things with Snake, who then was still called Jonathan. We'd decided to change our names at the age of twelve, being tired of the endless calls of "Johnny come back" and "Ashlee, you're late for dinner" following us around the compound. Viper and Snake would sound much better, especially if we ever became members – which we had no doubt about of course. Things had changed since then, for starters our names, but we were still friends. Another thing that had changed was my certainty about making it through initiation. I'd always felt pretty confident about my chances, but no one could have predicted this. This year's transfers were quite a strong bunch and even Snake had had difficulty in the one-on-one fights. I hadn't done too bad myself, but I kept getting distracted by the presence of a certain young man.. who coincidentally just now joined our table, filling the last spot in our friend circle. It was rare for a transfer to be in an entirely Dauntless-born group, but he was not just any transfer. He was Four, the miracle boy with the lowest fear count ever recorded in Dauntless, not to mention he was our instructor. All of this made him very much out of my league, but I hadn't given up hope just yet. Snake kept telling me to just ask him out, but I just couldn't do it. Sure, he was quite relaxed around us, but still he had that intimidating demeanour, like a castle built high up on a rock, unattainable to anyone without permission. It was this, and the overall fact that he was my superior and therefore off-limits, that had stopped me from doing anything with my feelings. He laughed out loud at something that Zeke had said, not a very common thing for him to do, and as I turned my head in his direction to hear the rest of the joke he looked straight at me. I had never seen him look like this before, dark blue eyes lit up with joy, his face free from the stern expression he usually wore in training. Before I knew it I'd opened my mouth, temporarily forgetting we were at a crowded table, that he would never want me, that it was against the rules.. "Four, will you go out with me?" I blurted out. All conversation suddenly fell silent as my friends turned to stare at me, and in my head I cursed myself. Why why why had I done that? Did I WANT to die of shame and get rejected in front of all of our friends?! As everyone looked at us expectantly he held my gaze for a few moments, and then simply nodded. "Why not?" he said. I could think of a million reasons, but for once I had nothing to say.


	5. A little bravery

"Why is this so hard?" I muttered to myself. I was sitting in the library, curled up in one of the comfortable chairs reading a book about car motors – or rather, trying really hard to understand it. Ever since I'd come to Erudite I'd been struggling to keep up with the high standards here. Most people judged me because I came from Dauntless, thinking I was some reckless troublemaker, while really I had longed to transfer for years. Dauntless just wasn't for me – or maybe I wasn't cut out for Dauntless. Don't get me wrong, I had fun there jumping off trains, laughing too loud and talking all day to my friends, and I did miss my family, but I just couldn't see myself being a daredevil for the rest of my life. I'd always been a bit different, stashing books under my mattress, staying up late to read more and more about everything Dauntless didn't care about. It really hadn't been hard to decide that Erudite was the more appropriate place for me. I loved it here, with books everywhere and no one judging me for reading, I hadn't expected the prejudice though. I thought they were supposed to be clever, and judging people because of where they came from didn't seem all that wise to me. So I tried to be the most Erudite of all, burying my nose in all sorts of books, mostly difficult ones, so maybe they'd start seeing me as one of them instead of a loud noisy Dauntless. I hardly ever spoke to anyone, trying to be low-profile, so I hadn't made any friends yet. There was one boy that I really wanted to talk to, but somehow I couldn't muster up the courage. With a sigh I snapped the book shut. This was never going to make any sense to me. I got up and put the book back on the shelves. After some searching I found a novel, quite rare here actually, and went back to my chair only to find that someone else had taken it. "Excuse me?" I said confidently. "That actually was my seat." Maybe I couldn't dress Dauntless or jump off buildings, but I could still speak my mind whenever I wanted. The boy turned around in surprise, probably because Erudite hardly ever did futile things like argue over a chair, and when he faced me I saw this was the very same boy I had wanted to talk to for weeks now. Instead of getting up, he smiled at me. "Hey, you're that Dauntless transfer, right?" he said, and I sighed. "Yes, that's me, Kaitlyn the rowdy rebel." God, I was getting so sick of this. I decided to sit down on the table, seeing as he made no effort at getting up. "My sister transferred there," he said, and I raised my eyebrows in surprise. "Why? Wasn't she all intelligent and stuff?" From what I'd sensed here the Erudite didn't really think much of the Dauntless, so I couldn't imagine a transfer. "She was," he said, "but she never was very selfless." That puzzled me for a moment, until I realized they were actually both from Abnegation. "You mean you transferred too?" I asked in surprise. Thinking back to the Ceremony I couldn't recall much, but you'd have thought that an Abnegation to Dauntless transfer would have stood out in my mind. He nodded his head, and I couldn't help but notice he was insanely good-looking. "So what brought you here, rowdy rebel girl?" he said teasingly. "Tired of breaking bones?" For an Abnegation he had changed pretty quickly if he was making jokes like this– but then again, so had I. "Yeah, that and I heard this place had some really good beverages." He laughed at this and I couldn't suppress a giggle of my own. "You have a cute laugh," he said, making me blush a little. All those weeks I'd thought about what to say, and now here he was, laughing at my jokes, complimenting me. In the weeks after, as we slowly became closer and closer, I realized that being Dauntless was always a bad thing. Sometimes, a bit of bravery could get you a long way.


	6. The day we fell apart

"EMILY! Emily, wake up!" I rubbed my eyes sleepily and looked at Uriah standing over my bed. "Uri, wha-" I yawned, unable to finish my sentence. "What's going on?" He looked absolutely terrified, his eyes wide with panic. "The others, they're.. I don't know what they're doing but- You just have to see it. Come with me, quick," he said, a slight edge in his words. I got up and looked around for my shoes. "Here," he said, throwing them at me. "Hurry." From the way he acted you'd think there were enemies in the compound or something, but I knew Uriah would never be afraid unless he had a good reason to. He'd told me once that he only had five fears in the simulation, a fact he seemed very proud of. I quickly tied my shoelaces and got up. "Okay, what is it then?" I must admit I didn't really want to see the cause of his panic – if it frightened even Uriah, I didn't think I would handle it well – but I had to be brave now. He took my wrist and practically dragged me along through the corridors, half-running half-walking. "Uri where exactly are we going?" I asked, when I realized we were going in the direction of the main exit. "You know we're not allowed to-" He cut me off with a sharp 'sssh!', suddenly stopping to look around the corner. His whole body was tense, and I could hear faint sounds coming from the hall. This was the thing he was so scared by. It had to be. But did I want to see? I didn't really have a choice. Uri tugged on my arm, motioning for me to see for myself. I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, and as I opened them, I saw something that was not so much scary as it was strange. All the Dauntless, initiates and members alike, were marching out the front door. They all had guns slung over their shoulders and for a moment I thought it might be some huge paintball game no one had told us about.. But then I saw their faces. They were blank, with empty, staring eyes, as if they were sleepwalking or something. None of the usual vibrant energy surrounded them, and they moved in unison, as if something – or someone – was controlling their bodies. I drew back behind the wall and looked at Uriah in horror. "What is this?" I whispered, suddenly terrified the sleepwalkers would hear me. He looked at me with an expression that showed exactly how I was feeling. Confused, shocked, but something else as well, something that might be best described as curiosity. Like me, he wanted to know what was going on just as much as he wished he never seen it. "I don't know," he said weakly. "I woke up to noises and when I looked around I saw all of them just.. marching out of the dorms. I followed them for a bit to where they got guns, then came back to get you.. I think we're the only ones awake." This puzzled me for a moment. How come we weren't going with them? Was it because I wasn't a true member? I mean, yes I had made it through initiation, but somehow I still didn't feel like I belonged. I always felt slightly different from the people crowding these corridors, bursting with laughter and energy, ready to do yet another reckless but fun activity. Was I still not Dauntless? This almost scared me more than the current situation – I wanted nothing more than to belong here.. But then I thought, Uri was the most Dauntless person I'd ever met, so that couldn't be it, right? I snuck another look at the marchers, the last of whom had now almost left the building. It didn't matter why we were awake, what mattered was that we were probably the only ones who could stop this – whatever it was. With a look of determination I turned back to Uriah. "What are we going to do?" He grinned, not his usual beaming happiness, but enough to make me feel better about everything. "Follow them of course!" As scary as this all was, it was still an adventure and he wouldn't be Uriah if he wasn't a bit excited by this. "They can't really see us anyway, so it should be easy to follow them," he said, and before I knew it he'd turned the corner and walked into the hall. I hurried after him, afraid to be left alone in the eerily empty compound. "Not so fast Uri!" I hissed. Who knew, there might be some stragglers, and we weren't entirely sure they wouldn't notice us. I froze as I suddenly heard footsteps coming up behind us. There was no place to seek cover in these empty halls – whoever it was would surely see us and we'd probably be in a lot of trouble, if not danger. The footsteps came closer, rounding the corner and I squeezed my eyes tight shut. Please don't let it be a walker, please let us be safe, please don't let them see us.. But then a voice broke through the silence, and my heart leapt with joy. "Emily? Uriah? What's going on?" I turned around to see our former instructor Four. Never had I loved a person more than right now – and considering I had loved him from a distance for a long time now, I hadn't even thought that was possible. I smiled shyly, unable to speak. He always had this effect on me, I never knew what to say or how to act when he was around. Luckily Uri had no such trouble so he started to explain. "The Dauntless, they're all marching and they've got guns and they're like, sleepwalking, so they can't see us, but they were all going out and we don't know where they're headed so we wanted to follow them and-" Four raised his hand. "Enough, Uriah. While I admire your courage, it would be unwise to go after them now." His face was grim and I had a feeling he knew more than he was letting on "Four? Do you know-" I started in a timid voice, but the look in his eyes said more than he would. He knew what was going on, and it was terrible, because I had never seen him look this close to fear. "Come with me." At this, he turned and started walking back towards the corridors. "But what about the Dauntless? Where are they going? Shouldn't we just go _see_?" Uriah persisted, going after him at half-pace. Four simply ignored these questions and led us to an empty dorm. When we were in, he locked the door and finally faced us. The fear I had seen earlier had completely disappeared, replaced by a very grave impression. "Listen to me. The Dauntless are under the control of Erudite. They're going to the Abnegation sector and eh, take care of some problems those two factions have been having. You can't let anyone know you were awake when they get back – you can't even tell them you weren't there. Your acting is going to have to be very good if you want to survive the next couple of days. It's going to be hard for them when they wake up, and it's up to you to blend in to the crowd. Understand?" We nodded, but I still felt like he hadn't told us everything. "What is this problem our faction is going to resolve? Couldn't they handle it themselves?" It was rare for Dauntless to interfere with trouble inside the city – we mainly guarded the fence and, you know, jumped off things. Four let out a short, mirthless laugh. "Well, they wouldn't want to get their hands dirty – besides, all the books in the world couldn't teach you to properly aim a gun." I gasped, finally realizing what he meant. I felt Uriah stiffen beside me, his eyes filled with hate. "Bastards," he growled, and I whole-heartedly agreed. He stalked over to the other side of the room and let out a muffled scream of frustration as he started destroying a pile of empty crates to vent his anger. He must feel so helpless.. Uriah might be tough, but he wanted nothing more than to protect others, and right now there was no one left to protect. I felt tears coming on at the thought of our faction – our friends! – shooting innocent people, not even knowing what they'd done until it was too late. "Why?" I managed to squeeze out in a high, pitiful voice. "Why?" I saw Four's face soften as he lightly reached out and gripped my shoulder. "You have to be strong now, okay?" I looked into his eyes – I'd never known they were such a majestic blue – and nodded. "Okay." I sounded a bit stronger, pressing back my tears. "I'll be brave." But all I could think about as Uriah slumped against the wall, tired from his rage, was how we were going to come out of this, not just as a faction, but as a society.


End file.
